Confused Confucius spurned the monastic mountaintop for the world of work, moral conundrums, and mobile devices.
A world traveller and channel hopper for more than five decades CC managed to squeeze open a tiny portal to the wisdom of the ages and most of what trickled through got stuck.
Fortunately a few pearls made it and are presented here as maxims for the modern world — incongruous idioms that might make you smile with amusement or grimace with confusion.
Sayings on topics from relationships to retail butt against the obligatory observations on human nature.
Sample a few here or, better still, you can buy the volumes and get a pearl at your bedside.
Either way, laugh and cry in equal measure.